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Monthly Archives: September 2015

Remedies

Just typing as he talks:

“I know how to get rid of arther-itis” (arthritis)

“Oh?” I’m acting interested as I type.

“I got a book that tells me how to do anything. (Laughs a sort of an- I know more than you do sort of laugh)

Somebody sent a letter in the mail and it tells me all the remedies on all kinds of stuff, so is sent it back and bought the book. I find it quite interesting.

You put raisins in a bowl, cover it with gin, let the gin evaporate into the raisins then eat 9 a day.” Chuckles a bit, “Maybe they figure the gin makes you forget the pain.”

“Probably.” I’m still typing.

“ I get all kinds of email from that Rand Paul. I don’t get none from Trump or that gal. They all send shit.

I’d like to get the stock market on my phone. I got google, but I don’t know how to….” Just got distracted on his phone and he’s whispering something while reading.

Still playing with his phone.

“They’re also plugging vinegar too, they say that vinegar helps everything. I been hearing that for years. I guess they sell a lot of vinegar.”

It’s probably some sort of vinegar conspiracy I’ll hear more about later. They may be in cahoots with the HVAC repair man, or GOD FORBID the weathermen.

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Furnace Cleaning 2015

Today is the first day of fall. Naturally my dad starts thinking of his furnace.

Dad, “You know I’ll be turning that furnace on soon, it’s eventually gonna get cold. I wish I could get down there and clean out that squirrel cage – it’s gotta be full of dust and dirt. I just can’t get down on my knees to do it. I’m sure that the furnace is going out this year – it won’t last.”

Me, “Dad, do you want me to call an HVAC company and have them come do maintenance before we turn the furnace on this year?”

Dad, “NO!!! Why the hell would we spend $500 to have someone come out and do that? I change the filters every month it shouldn’t need it.”

Me, “It probably won’t be $500 if it’s just maintenance and a cleaning…right?”

Dad, “Are you kidding? These Colorado sons-a-bitches will screw you over – probably more than $500 by the time they’re done with you. But I’m not even sure it needs to be cleaned out. It hasn’t been cleaned out since I’ve lived here – what 12 years. 12 years is a long time, I’m sure it’s about to go out. It’s probably full of dirt and all kinds of shit!” (getting agitated now) “But NO!! don’t call anyone out here. I bet it’s used to the dirt and if we clean it – that’s when it will go out. And if we don’t clean it, it’s gonna go out eventually, so we’ll have to pay that $500 when we get a new one, but if we do clean it – they may charge us the money it would cost to get a new one….and HELL THEY’LL PROBABLY TELL US WE NEED A NEW ONE ANYWAY!”

By now I’m thoroughly confused and decide to just wait for him to quit rambling.

Dad, “Ya…it’s gonna go out. It won’t make it through the winter. So let’s just wait until it goes out and then we’ll fix it.” Long pause, “Or hell, I don’t know it may make it through, so maybe we need to get it cleaned out, but if we clean it that change in weight and pressure from the dirt leaving may throw it off balance and the ball bearings will mess up and it will go out…so let’s just let it go.”

I’m sure I’ll have this conversation with him again. Many, many times.